Unsexy Times
by yenmae
Summary: Short stories of AoKise sexy times gone awry. Crack ahead.
1. Chapter 1

******A/N**: It's been a long time since I published anything. My first fanfic, Temptation in Pink, now makes me weep. But no matter, for I come bearing my special brand of crack for the Kuroko fandom! A while ago, I came across a kink prompt for AoKise unsexy tiems i.e. things not going as smoothly as one would imagine. Enjoy!

**It's not going to fit.**

Being one of the most brilliant athletes of his generation, Kise embodies physical awareness. In regards to his particular set of skills in basketball, he can imitate players, opponents or otherwise, by memory and sight. He translates their movements into his own, skin and bone and breath coming together as a force to be reckoned with.

But he isn't playing basketball right now. He's on his cozy little bed, in his cozy little room. The night is quiet and still; it seems like any other Tuesday for a high schooler.

That's not all, though.

Kise isn't alone. Kise isn't clothed, either. For the most part, this isn't a bad thing to most hormonal young adults, but Kise isn't quite as excited as he ought to be. He's facing a hurdle unlike any before in his whole life of being a _virgin_. If that doesn't give you an idea of what's to come, you're probably better off reading something else that doesn't pertain to Kise's cherry-popping experience.

Oh, god.

Ohgodohgodohgodohgod.

"Baby, you have to _relax_," Aomine grunts, shifting about between Kise's legs every now and then because Kise just won't keep his plush rump still.

"How the hell am I supposed to relax when I _know_ that Mr. Bojangles over there is going to tear me in half like that Goosh Goosh video?" Kise wails. Aomine quirks a brow. "Okay, I may be overdramatizing here, but there's no way it's going in without hurting."

"Hey, hey." Aomine leans forward on one hand, hovering above his sweetheart just enough to feel the warmth of Kise's breath on his lips. Kise's cheeks flush red. Aomine laughs and nuzzles his nose. "It won't hurt… much."

Kise blinks at him. "Much?"

"Well, yeah, it _will_ hurt when I put it in, but you'll feel better soon enough when I start fucking your brains out."

Leave it to Aomine to be about as blunt as a spoon when trying to convince his beau to essentially throw caution to the wind, but knowing him the way he did, Kise can't help a smile. He gives Aomine a peck on the lips before letting him sit up again. Taking a deep breath, Kise wills his heart to calm a fraction down.

He watches Aomine guide his throbbing blue purple spear of destiny between his pert cheeks and he can only rely on his sense of touch from then on. Kise feels the tip pressing at his entrance, smearing the lube applied earlier to prep him up for penetration. Fingers aren't the same as a pump-action porridge bazooka, but Kise figures if not now, then when, right?

Receiving evidently less resistance than before, Aomine takes it as a sign that Kise is as ready as can be. He pushes forward past the tight ring of muscle, but he doesn't get too far in before Kise presses a hand against his stomach to slow him down.

"Fuck, it burns," Kise grits out, wincing at the increasingly painful ordeal of being stretched out.

"Seriously? I haven't gotten the thickest part in yet," Aomine says jokingly to help lighten the mood.

But Kise doesn't find it funny in the least. He's not even halfway through, judging from what Aomine said. Kise huffs in frustration, and decides on what seems to be the lesser evil for the both of them. "Fine, just... I don't know, force it in? Dragging this out isn't doing me much good either." He motions to his own flaccid doughnut holder.

Aomine raises both eyebrows this time. "Are you sure? You can take your time, I'm almost—" Kise shakes his head and braces himself for the worst. Aomine concedes and shifts Kise legs that are hitched over his elbows to get a better grip. "You ready?"

"No," Kise whispers to himself just as Aomine thrusts forward, fully penetrating him and Kise knows he should be at the very least relieved that the deed is done and Aomine can get to fucking his brains out, as mentioned earlier. But he just can't bring himself to… to do anything, really. He feels rather numb.

Until the pain finally sets in.

Aomine doesn't know what hits him, not entirely. He suspects it might be Kise's foot, or his hand, or both, but there's no way of telling because right when he flinches at the remarkably high-pitched scream that comes out of Kise's mouth, a limb comes into contact with his stomach, the force of it making him double over with an inelegant "Oof!" Still running on instinct, Kise kicks Aomine off himself _and_ the bed for good measure.

* * *

And so, here we are with a sore Kise and a sore Aomine. The whole thing really is quite comical: big, bad Aomine trying to comfort a (very literal) butthurt Kise. While it's proven that Aomine isn't a particular tactful person, he still has enough sense in him to refrain from saying "I told you so." Kise may be a crybaby—and is currently in tears, actually—but he'll backhand an assbaka when the opportunity presents itself, mostly in the form of an obnoxiously arrogant blue-haired basketball prodigy.

"—worst thing ever." Kise is ranting for a good ten minutes now, about how it's one of the stupidest things he's done and that he regrets mucking up what's meant to be a magical moment and he's so, so sorry for the physical assault.

Aomine laughs into the mop of blonde hair nestled under his chin. "It can't be that bad. We did get it in, even if it's just for five seconds."

Kise hiccups a giggle. "Yeah, but for our first time together, it's kinda disappointing. I should've listened to you."

"Tch, don't blame yourself. It's not your fault," Aomine chides lightly. "We can always try again. Not everyone gets it right the first time. And no one said we have to."

"Oh, that's sweet, and surprisingly insightful, coming from you," Kise laughs. Before Aomine can take offense, he plants a small kiss on his lips. "So then, take two?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Love can be blind.**

Kise has no shame and Aomine simply doesn't give a fuck. You put the likes of them in a room, sparks fly, and you get a couple that considers the kinks of exhibitionism in a good way, whether intentional or otherwise. It's just that hanky-panky business in the open doesn't strike either one of them as weird or even alarming, which accounts for Kise currently sitting on a toilet lid, with that pretty little head of his moving back and forth as he sucks on Mr. Bojangles in the middle of Kaijō's basketball practice.

"Just like that," Aomine groans when Kise takes in more of him with each bob of his head until he reaches the base of his cock.

Aomine keeps a firm hold on the blond hair to fuck that gorgeous mouth stretched around him. It's a wet and messy affair, and Aomine swears it's the hottest thing: honey-golden eyes staring up at him as Kise visibly tries to accommodate his entire length going into his mouth and hitting the back of his throat, and the little gagging and choking sounds Kise makes right before he pulls away for air. Gasping lightly, Kise deposits excess spit on Aomine's cock, using it to lubricate his strokes along the shaft. He brings his lips to the engorged tip and plants a kiss there.

Aomine chuckles at the gesture. "You're such a slut for dick, aren't you?"

"Mm, _Aominecchi's_ dick," Kise corrects, bringing his head forward at an angle to mouth at the underside of the member.

He pulls up and immediately goes back to sucking Aomine off, starting once more at the head and working his way deeper, cheeks hollowing from the suction. Aomine's hand goes back to tangling itself in blond locks. It doesn't take long before his breathing vocalizes into moans, a telltale sign that he's close. They're not particularly concerned with being audible; the echoes of sport shoes squeaking and balls bouncing against the floorboards, and the shouts from Kise's teammates drown out whatever sounds they can possible make in that one bathroom stall. The grip in Kise's hair tightens and it's again pushing his head forward to meet Aomine's thrusts, the force of it bumping his nose against the flat of his belly.

"Fuck, baby…" Aomine tilts his head back, lost in the pleasure that's building up. "I'm gonna—"

Just as he is about to warn Kise, his words are drowned out by the sudden burst of sound when the main door creaks open. A surge of panic seizes Aomine's body, and he freezes in place in hopes of stalling his orgasm. But he feels himself coming undone, the pleasure already uncoiling from within and spiking outwards, and it makes his toes curl. He grimaces and holds his breath to keep from making a sound; at the very least he can come cleanly and quietly into Kise's mouth but why the fuck is the damn blond pulling away at the worst moment possible—

A sharp cry reverberates through the relatively empty toilet, taking everyone by surprise.

"Kise?"

"Motherfucking Christ!"

"Who's there?!"

Chaos momentarily ensues as the door to a stall slams open and Kise comes staggering out with a rather flustered Aomine following behind with a string of apologies. The Kaijō members who entered look at each other with alarm before their defense mechanisms kick in. They rush to Kise's side while glaring at Aomine who is, for all intents and purposes, the supposed Big Bad Wolf to their Little Cock-Riding Kise.

"Kise, are you okay? What happened?" Kasamatsu asks, putting a hand on Kise's back as he watches the blond rinse his face in the sink.

"What did you do? Why are you even here?" Moriyama directs the questions at Aomine instead, but when the Tōō ace opens his mouth to explain, he falls short.

Kise mumbles something in the midst of what seems to be drowning his face in tap water. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that he means to say something along the lines of, "S'cool, y'all," and his seniors cease their interrogation for the time being. It takes a while before he straightens up and gestures at Aomine to hand him paper towels, turning to his teammates after wiping most of his face dry. He makes a moue when the tissues cling to certain sticky spots on his skin. "He was in the neighborhood, so I called him over. We just… well, I kinda… _panicked_ when you guys showed up."

Kasamatsu glances over to Aomine before settling back on his small forward. "What in the world were you guys in the toilet?"

"It's not like Aominecchi can walk about in our school, so I asked him to hide here," Kise answers smoothly enough while nursing the right side of his face. "Shit, it still stings," he mutters to himself more than anyone else.

Aomine reaches out to turn Kise's face towards him, fingers gently prying the right eye open. Tears are already welling up. He frowns. "It's red. Did you wash it all off?"

"I don't know. The water made it worse, if anything."

"You want to drop by the clinic or pharmacy, get some drops or some medicinal shit?" Aomine asks, brows knotted and mouth pulled into a frown as he inspects Kise, and even the upperclassmen are amazed at just how worried Aomine looks right now. It makes Kise's kokoro go doki doki, because having Aomine so affectionate and concerned is quite a rare occasion, let alone in front of strangers. Kise nods gently and gives Aomine a small smile, and they share a moment of staring lovingly into each other's eyes as the rest of the world fades away…

… until Aomine lets out an undignified snort and fails to keep a straight face. Kise jabs him in the rib, earning a grunt from the guy who nearly took out his eyeball with his semen, of all things. Wonderful, that just makes him all the more aware of the incessant throbbing. He blinks several times in an attempt to clear his vision and to hopefully lessen the pain. "I didn't expect it to hurt this much, jeez."

"Hah, you said jizz."

"What are you, twelve?"

"It _is_ kinda funny." As if to prove a point, Aomine now sports a ridiculously wide grin. It doesn't help his case one bit, and certainly not Kise's. "It's actually really fucking hilarious. Gorgeous b-ball extraordinaire Kise Ryōta suffers from impaired vision because of my c—"

Kise silences him with another jab, this time with enough force to rival Kuroko's Ignite Pass. Oh, _right_, they aren't alone. Kasamatsu and Moriyama are mere spectators to this little exchange between two members of the Generation of Miracles. It's a peculiar conversation, seeing as they don't really know what Kise and Aomine are talking about. Kise much prefers if he and Aomine leave before they get bombarded with more questions, so he drags the ace by his jersey and leads them out of the toilet.

Moriyama looks at Kasamatsu. "What."

* * *

"Hey, it's actually working!" Kise exclaims, genuinely surprised at the receding pain. He adds a few more droplets of the medication and blinks the solution away, letting it roll down his cheek. "It's a bloody miracle, like the three of diamonds!"

"I'm sure you had worse before," Aomine huffs.

Kise cocks an eyebrow at him. "It's not just the fact that it's an irritant, like shampoo… or you. It's practically a projectile. You know, Physics 101, where the mass and speed thing equals force? I felt the pain of it _hitting_ my eye even before it started to burn like a motherfucker."

"Yeah, yeah," Aomine replies with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Though, it would've been fun to date a pirate. I'm sure you could've pulled off an eye patch."

"Huh…" Kise stops in his tracks for a moment. "Funny that you mentioned pirate. I think I read something about some pirate-blowjob stuff. Like, you ejaculate in someone's eye and then you kick 'em in the leg so they hop about on one foot while covering an eye. Pirate."

Aomine looks contemplative. "Wanna try it out? At least we know the eye thing works."

"I will slap you."

"What, you're not into pirate RPs?" Aomine asks, looking mildly surprised.

Kise takes on a more horrified expression. "Are you?"

Aomine shrugs. "S'not too bad, when you think about it; you can fit in a lot of kinks. You've watched those Sparrow movies; you can be the high and mighty naval officer who wants to outlaw piracy and _I'm_ the pirate king, so before drawing swords to a duel, we engage in a verbal exchange, trying to one-up the other but it just gets riddled with double entendres and the UST explodes to ridiculous proportions so you give in to my pirate-y charm, get flogged, and become my wench as we sail the seven seas."

"… You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?"

"I really do fancy the idea of you in the brig, all chained up and snarky, until I—"

"Right, I get it, I get it! Stop encouraging our darling author to write more crack!"

"Tch, I do what I want," Aomine grumbles, but a sinister smile plays on his lips, "'cause a pirate is free…" His singsong voice trails off and he nudges at Kise.

Kise just sighs and rolls his eyes. "You are a pirate."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: More sexy times gone wrong! This time with an ensemble cast! I think I've pretty much exhausted this theme, so if you have any ideas, feel free to suggest them. Enjoy!

* * *

"My leg's asleep."

"How long more till he gets back?"

"Will the cake melt?"

"_Can_ cake melt?"

"Ice cream cakes do, that much I know."

"Gee-whiz, Shin-chan. It's _ice cream_. He's asking about normal cakes, like sponge. It is sponge cake, right?"

"Um, yeah. I don't think it'll melt. But I'm really sorry if it does."

"Why the fuck are you guys talking about cakes?"

"Why the fuck are we hiding in the dark, after breaking into his house? How'd you even get the keys? Don't tell me you _stole_ it."

"Aomine-kun mentioned before that he keeps a spare on top of the door frame. Also, this was Kagami-kun's idea."

"Excuse me for being a decent enough person to actually do something special for a friend's birthday. You guys are his teammates!"

"Kagami, keep it down, or you'll set the neighbors on us."

"Sorry."

"Ow!"

"The hell you doing, Imayoshi?! You'll burn Sakurai and the whole place!"

"S'kinda the point."

"And you wonder why they had to be coerced into this, Kagami."

"I just figured the more, the merrier. It'd be a pretty pathetic surprise party if it were just the three of us. Plus, Kise said he was busy, so that's one person less."

"What if he sees all the beer in the fridge and gets suspicious?"

"He'll have to walk past the living hall anyway, so we'll just jump out then."

"So… how long more till he gets back?"

"Oh, hush, Takao. You're not helping."

"You're the one who dragged me here! Or rather, _I_ had to drag the damned cart."

"Kagami just said he needed people."

"Hey, don't pin this one on me!"

"Shh. I think someone's coming."

"Everyone quiet! Remember: we jump out when he walks into the living room, got it? Or when he turns on the lights, either one. We shout, "Surprise!" and Imayoshi lights the candles. And don't forget the champagne poppers."

"Wait, the living room?"

"This _is_ the living room. You're hiding behind a fucking couch."

"Right, sorry. I'm just nervous. I hope he likes it."

"Guys, shut _up_. I think it's him."

The thump of footsteps grows louder, and the light beneath the door flickers, casting shadows on the floor. _About time_, Kagami thinks. The door suddenly rattles, and everyone's breathing stills, ready to burst out and give Aomine the surprise of his life. The moment of suspense stretches into minutes, and the thrill wanes. Kagami chances a peek around the corner. The shadows are still there, which means Aomine is still outside. The door rattles again, more violently this time, and Kagami quickly pulls back. The door remains shut, however, and Kagami keeps from sighing aloud.

He leans close to Kuroko. "What's he doing?"

"How would I know?" Kuroko whispers back. "Maybe he's checking his phone?"

"Could he be drunk?"

"It's eight o'clock."

Another bump, and the sound of keys jingling; it seems Aomine is having some difficulty getting into his own apartment, and that itself is a cause for Kagami's concern. "It _is_ his birthday, after all."

"We'll just have to wait for him to get in," Kuroko replies, saying it like it's the most obvious thing to do.

"What if he passes out in front of his own goddamned apartment?"

"What are you guys talking about?" Takao hisses from across. "What's taking him so long?"

"I think he's—"

Everyone goes silent again at the sound of a voice, muffled, but too high-pitched to be Aomine's. This time, Kagami lets out a soft groan. "Fuck, don't tell me he's got a date."

"Well, it _is_ his birthday, after all," Kuroko parrots, sounding a little too pleased with himself, and Kagami feels like smacking him.

Someone shuffles up to them. "I think Aomine has company. The hell do we do now?"

"I think we should just wait. They'll have to come by here to get to the bedroom. We do everything as planned, but we just don't stay for long," Kuroko suggests, and Kagami thinks it's not half bad an idea. Hell, it's their only idea.

"Yeah, okay, we'll go with that. Spread the word."

"Yes, o Captain, my Captain," Takao says dryly before crawling back, and for the second time, Kagami feels the urge to inflict bodily harm on someone.

God, when did organizing a bloody surprise party become such a headache? Are they too old to be doing this sort of stuff? It didn't occur to Kagami that Aomine can—or, at this point, does—bring back a girl. Sure, the guy seems the kind to be getting into all sorts of raunchy business. Laughter trickles into the apartment as the door finally opens, letting in light from the corridor for a brief moment before it gets shut with a bang. Kagami slinks back into the shadows. Right, it's now or never—

"Mm, ah…"

Now that the couple is _finally_ inside, their conversations are much more explicit, even when they aren't talking. Everyone can probably _feel_ the wetness of the kisses, what with the slurping and sucking and—good lord. He should just get the ball rolling before they progress any further, but he balks at the sudden hiss of fabric and the sound of a zipper being pulled. They're not seriously going to do it against the fucking door, are they?

"A-ah! Aominecchi, shouldn't we go to your room first?"

Kagami thinks he might just die.

"Mm, I'm fine here."

"Of course you are, you big pervert. That's not the—Ah! Whoa there, cowboy."

"Me, a pervert? Speak for yourself, sweetheart. You're usually raring to go."

"Not like this, I've never done it standing. Christ, when'd you get the condom on?"

"When you're busy babbling about. C'mon, hold tight; you're heavy."

"Oh my god, the top of our heads is a mere three centimeters apart and I weigh almost ten kilos _less_ than you, okay—Oh! Fuck, that's deep—"

The series of moans and grunts that follow will probably be seared into everyone's memory forever, a scar they will have to bear for as long as they live. Kagami prays for those involved in this surprise party gone horribly, perversely wrong. It seems Aomine's quick to get down (or, in this case, up) and dirty, sparing no formalities and cutting to the chase; they're getting noisier by the minute, and Kagami can only imagine how… vigorous they are at it, judging from the way Kise keeps telling Aomine to go faster and harder and _yes_, right there!

Beside him, Kuroko shifts closer. A hand feels its way up his arm, around his neck, and Kagami is pulled down until he bumps into Kuroko's head. "I find this slightly inappropriate," Kuroko practically breathes into his ear.

Kagami tilts his head and presses close to Kuroko's face. "No shit. But if we're gonna interrupt them, it's not gonna be me."

"Are we really going to wait for them to finish? It could take forever, with Aomine-kun's stamina."

"I don't fucking know anymore."

"If it's not Aomine-kun, Midorima-kun will murder us all," Kuroko points out, but at the rate they're going, Kagami doesn't quite mind the prospect of death. The sound of flesh against flesh, the way the door creaks when bumped into over and over, and Aomine complimenting Kise's ass for being so tight… Kagami can also do without knowing how Kise likes it. He chokes down on a whimper, burying his head into his knees as he tries to pass the time by visualizing happy basketballs rolling about in a meadow of daisies. Lovely things they are, daisies.

Kise is practically screaming now. The act itself isn't quite as heartening, but it means something positive. It means they'll be done soon, right? God, let them be done soon. Kagami doesn't want to doubt Aomine's stamina, but for the sake of their sanity, he hopes the guy doesn't last too long. He almost yelps when a hand touches him again, but it's on his thigh, his torso, fumbling its way up until nearly taking out his eyes. He catches the arm and guides the other person down next to him.

"What's wrong?" Kagami whispers.

"Besides getting front row seats to real-life porn and a death sentence? Nothing much. Shin-chan's on bitch-mode, and I think Imayoshi is fucking around with Sakurai," Takao mutters back. "Kise's really loud, eh? I figured he'd be more of the… demure type."

Kagami is glad they're in the dark. He wonders if Takao can feel the heat of his burning ears. "We are not discussing this."

"This whole damn thing is your fault, so deal with it."

"I'm sorry, alright? I didn't mean for this to happen," Kagami grits out into Takao's ear. "S'not like I'm enjoying this either."

Takao shrugs. "At least some of us are."

Kagami opens his mouth to reply, but promptly shuts it when Kise cries out louder than before. He holds his breath, heartbeat ringing in his ears as he strains to pick up on any other telltale signs that the rutting session is close to its end. The frantic, keening sounds crescendo as Kise comes to his climax, an event to which everyone receives a memo because he's shrieking, "I'm coming, baby, coming—Oh, fuck—!" and Aomine follows shortly after with guttural, gratified moan. Kagami probably won't be able to play basketball with either one of them ever again, not without having memories of their orgasms replay in his mind.

"Well, glad that's over," Takao murmurs. "Time to die."

Kagami swallows thickly. They take a while to settle from their high, evident from the giggles and rustling in the kitchen. The clang of presumably the bin closing jerks Kagami upright. The anxiety makes his stomach churn. His face is warm, too. Oh, the gods have mercy on them all. Maybe the couple will be more forgiving because of the endorphins released from their doorway quickie. Footsteps approach the living area, and the lights come on.

"What. The. Fuck."

So much for the endorphins.

"What?" Kise asks, coming up behind him. He's busy dabbing tissues on his torso, and nearly bumps into Aomine who's just _standing_ there, his hand still on the light switch. "Baby, what's wr—oh, shit."

Oh, shit, indeed. Kise quickly buttons up his pants and puts his shirt back on, but he suspects the damage is done, seeing as everyone is tense and in varying degrees of discomfort, not daring to look in their general direction. Kagami, Kuroko, and Takao are huddled in the corner behind the light switch, and Midorima against the opposite wall, near the television set. Sakurai and Imayoshi are crouched by the sofa. Aomine's shocked expression turns sour, and Kise fears for them.

"I don't know what any of you were thinking," Aomine snarls acidly, the vein in his temple showing, "if you were thinking _at all_, but if—"

"It's Kagami's idea, so if you're going to kill someone, it might as well be him," Imayoshi casually interjects, pulling Sakurai up with him as he stands. Sakurai squeaks, and jerks his arm out of Imayoshi's grip to tug at his shirt. He balances the cake on his other hand, and Imayoshi lights the candles.

Takao crawls towards Midorima, whose expression is schooled into one of cool indifference (but Takao knows better). He grapples with him for a moment, and turns around to brandish the champagne poppers. He yanks on two of them at once, sending confetti flying into the air with a sharp crack. "Happy birthday!"

The room settles into silence as everyone watches the bits of colored paper flutter to the floor.

"We are so, so very sorry!" Sakurai suddenly exclaims with a bow, nearly smashing his face into the cake. "W-We just wanted to… to s-sur-surprise… even m-m-made ca-cake…" He falters, looking like he's either about burst into tears or wet himself.

"We meant it with the best of intentions, Aomine-kun," Kuroko says, appearing right before Aomine, who jumps back a little. "There were a lot of... unexpected... complications."

"So you decided to just camp here and sit through the whole thing?" Aomine retorts, incredulous.

"Well, we weren't exactly keen on having a first-hand account of your… recreational activities either," Kagami mumbles, rising to stand next to Kuroko. His face and the tips of his ears are as remarkably red as his hair. "I'm really sorry. I did try to make this work. It just… Nothing was going as planned, and I honestly didn't know what to do."

Aomine softens at the apology. Kise steps in to further placate him. "They didn't mean any harm, Aominecchi. It was probably because we did it… uh, I mean, we _didn't_ go to the bedroom." Aomine turns to look at him, and Kise offers a sheepish smile. "C'mon."

"Fine," Aomine concedes, "but if—"

"Right, now that all is forgiven," Imayoshi pipes up, "let's all forget this ever happened. Now, if you'll excuse us, Sakurai and I have unfinished business to attend to." Sakurai's cheeks turn a malevolent shade of pink, following Imayoshi as he walks past Aomine and Kise to get to the door. Meekly, he settles the cake on the kitchen table, and Imayoshi yells behind them, "Enjoy the cake!"

Sensing an opportune moment, Takao forces out a nervous laugh as he motions frantically at Midorima to stand. "I think we've overstayed our welcome. Right, Shin-chan?" Midorima rises to his feet, and blinks at Aomine and Kise. Takao puts his hands on his shoulders to push the taller man towards the exit, smiling apologetically. "Sorry about the mess."

"It's okay," Kise says, watching concernedly as Takao guides Midorima out of the apartment. He worries for him; Midorimacchi is a rather delicate thing, sometimes.

Kagami turns to Kuroko, then to Aomine. "We should…"

"Yeah, you should," Aomine concurs.

"Again, I'm really sorry about this. If there's any way for me to make it up to you, I'd be more than willing," Kagami says in earnest.

"Yeah, it'd be nice if you didn't break into my apartment again, or watch us have sex."

"Not unless we want you to, of course," Kise jokes, but Kagami just blushes again.

Aomine kneads the side of his forehead. "Just—go, please." Kuroko and Kagami make their way out with haste, and upon the closing of the door, Aomine slumps into Kise's arms. "That was helpful."

"I was just trying to lighten the mood. They looked so scared. You're really intimidating when you're angry," Kise says into his shoulder.

"I can't believe everyone heard us fuck. Also, that wasn't me being angry. If I were angry, they wouldn't have walked out of here."

Kise smiles, and nuzzles the crook of his neck. "At least we won't have to sneak about, now that they know about us."

"S'not quite the way I wanted them to find out, you know," Aomine grumbles. "Then again, it'd be a shock for 'em one way or another."

"I'd say it was a pretty good surprise party, considering… considering how surprised you—_all_ of us were. Even the party planners themselves," Kise laughs. "I guess that's as bad as punishments go."

"Mm, yeah, I guess you're right." Aomine looks up to rest his forehead against Kise's. "We should've gone to my room."

"We should've." He plants a kiss on Aomine's cheek. "Oh well. Let's have some cake."

Aomine pulls away to get plates and cutlery, and Kise settles onto a stool. He plucks out the melted candles, and cuts the cake with the knife Aomine gives him. They take bites of their slices, savoring the texture and flavors.

"Mm, it's pretty good! I like that it's not too sweet, unlike the ones you buy outside. I can't believe he made it himself, the poor thing."

"I can. Why'd you think I always steal his lunch food?"

* * *

Somewhere out there, walking beside his upperclassman, Sakurai sneezes. "I hope they like the cake," he sniffles. "It was on short notice, so we had to make it pretty small. And Imayoshi-san wasn't helping much either."

"Oh, I'm sure they will," Imayoshi assures. "Our hard work added some… _spice_ to it."

"It did?" Sakurai asks, puzzled. They did everything by the book—well, _almost_ everything. He's quite certain nipple clamps and a vibrating dildo are completely optional when baking a cake. Sakurai feels tingly just thinking about it. "How?"

Imayoshi lifts Sakurai's chin with one hand, and presses their lips together. It leaves Sakurai a little more than breathless, even more so when Imayoshi flashes him a wicked smile, the kind that provokes more than it comforts. "Maybe I'll show you again when we get back. But only if you're a good boy, understand?"

For the umpteenth time today, Sakurai feels his cheeks flush. "Yes, Imayoshi-san."


End file.
